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neue leute kennenlernen zitate class="body-text"> A is a surgery to remove all breast tissue from a breast in order to treat or prevent breast cancer. (A lumpectomy, a surgery to remove only the tumor from the breast, may be an option for some breast cancer patients.) Cosmopolitan.com spoke with three anonymous women about their relationships with their bodies and delta linden single handle pull out sprayer kitchen faucet their experiences of sex and love after mastectomy.

How old are you?

Woman A: Twenty-six.

Woman B: Thirty-three.

Woman C: Forty-two.

When and why did you decide to have a mastectomy?

Woman A: I delta linden single handle pull out sprayer kitchen faucet was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 26 in October of 2015. I underwent chemo and was given the option to have a double mastectomy and reconstruction done all in one procedure. I made the decision because I am, meaning I have a genetic mutation that greatly heightens the chance of breast and ovarian cancer and reoccurrence. My family history of reoccurrence is so rich that the decision was easy.

Woman B: I have breast cancer and I had a single mastectomy last year because the tumor in one of my breasts had turned into painful necrotic tissue and was basically rotting inside of me. The procedure was palliative, not curative. Surgery is not a treatment when you have like I do. [Editor's note: Metastatic breast cancer, also called stage 4 or advanced breast cancer, has spread beyond the breast to other organs.]

Woman C: I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer at age 31. It was a single mastectomy on my right side with a small lumpectomy on my left side.

How did you feel right before your mastectomy?

Woman A: I knew for about three months I was going to have surgery. The first 10 weeks, I was counting the days. I was excited the whole time. Well, also antsy, but excited to get it over with. The week before surgery, I realized I was slowly becoming more stressed and irritable. I wasn't scared of surgery: I was very sad my breasts I had always known were going to be gone. The sadness for my natural breasts was hard to cope with in the few days before surgery. I was also very intimidated by the idea of once again forming a new identity. From chemo, I had lost my hair. On top of that, I had quickly gained about 30 pounds during chemo from the steroids that are given during treatment and from stress-eating. My hair was finally starting to grow back; as a natural redhead or strawberry blonde, it was a shock when my new hair began to come back platinum blonde. It was tiring every few weeks or months to become familiar and comfortable with the change in the way I saw myself and the way others saw me.

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Woman B: I was relieved that the painful thing was finally coming out of me.

Woman C: I was scared beyond belief but also much more desperate to have it cut out. Once I knew there was a deadly tumor spreading rapidly in my chest I wanted it out immediately. It's like having an alien land in your chest and refuse to leave. Of course, before the surgery, no one mentions how truly painful the recovery will be, as a mastectomy truly is an amputation, although I'm not sure a warning would have helped.

What was your relationship status at the time?

Woman A: I've been with my boyfriend, whom I live with, for the last three years. We had been together for about 2 1/2 years at the time of surgery.

Woman B: I was and am married.

Woman C: I had been seeing someone for over a year who was also involved with another woman. When I told him that I had cancer, he responded with, "Well, I can't be your boyfriend." At that moment in time I cut all ties with him, and relied on my family and friends for support instead. I mean, who needs that kind of drama when your life is distilled down to survival? Ironically, he came back around six weeks later claiming to be single and wanting to help during my chemo treatment. We've been together now for over 10 years. He saw things that no one should ever have to watch their partner go through. To this day, I'm not sure how he still mieten single wohnung iserlohn finds me beautiful!

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Did you decide to get reconstructive surgery? If so, did you also have nipple reconstruction? Why or why not?

Woman A: The mastectomy and reconstruction were all one procedure: They came off and were put back in immediately. Not getting nipple reconstruction isn't something I regret. I miss my nipples daily, but the idea of fake nipples made from my skin honestly was very weird for me. I have a problem with things that aren't real or natural. It makes me feel like a phony. I never wore a wig when I lost my hair [from chemo]. There's something odd to me about pretending to have a body part, which is funny, seeing as I have fake boobs. To me, I don't need heavy eyelashes or heavy eyebrows to be sexy, I don't need concealed skin. I do, however, need my curves that I am so used to. I do need to be looked at in a crowd and passed over, instead of getting lingering glances to check if I really am missing breasts. I got a lot of attention the past year, and the thought of having more attention because not having breasts was stressful. I just wanted to be normal... Nothing to see here. Just a girl and some boobs.

Also, recovering from surgery was stressful. It involved surgical bags, tubes coming from the surgery site connected to airtight bags that suck out access fluids. They were connected to me for a month. Nipple surgery would have been another procedure and at that point, another procedure felt like hell on earth.

Woman B: Yes to breast reconstruction and no to nipple reconstruction. I had a really bad reaction to the anesthesia. It was terrible — throwing up constantly is not fun when you've just been cut open and sewed back together again. I am too scared of the anesthesia to do something extra when neither I nor my husband cares if I have a "nipple." I have a little nubbin of skin my doctor created but no areola and it's all the same color.

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Woman C: I definitely wanted reconstruction since only one side was removed. I felt really lopsided. However, I had so little extra skin after the mastectomy (my surgeon cut into my chest wall and couldn't get a clear margin) that I had a ridiculously painful tissue expander in my chest for a full year. My (first) reconstruction happened almost exactly one year after the mastectomy. My plastic surgeon wasn't a huge fan of nipple reconstruction and I agreed. It turned out to be a wise decision because the implant ended up being too large and had to be removed and replaced in a third chest surgery yet another year later. I've considered getting a tattoo over the years, but the implant will need to be updated in five years, so it would just look like a mess after a fourth surgery!

How did your relationship with your body change after the procedure?

Woman A: It was actual surprisingly easy to become accustomed to my new breasts. I think that's because I honestly expected the worst. I thought I was going to feel freakish and gross not having nipples, knowing mastectomy scars are across the whole breast. I'm definitely not saying I enjoy my new boobs. But it is livable. It's hard to imagine myself as being sexy. It actually nearly never happens... It really never leaves my head that a large part of my sex appeal as a woman was ruined. Luckily, my relationship helps me feel as secure as I do. I can't imagine dating again and having to tell someone new about the silicone, scars, and the jarring fact I have no nipples. It's pretty embarrassing to think about. I have no interest in one-night stands, obviously. But if I were ever single again, those would be out of the question because nothing would ruin the mood like explaining my cancer plight and reconstructive surgery.

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Woman B: I love my body. I think my scars are sexy as hell. My other breast was lifted and looks amazing. I can wear clothes I was never able to wear before. I also went a cup size down (from a 36DD to a 36D) and everyone thinks I lost weight... I've always been pretty confident, but I didn't realize how much my chest was holding me back from doing things, like running. I also appreciate my body so much more for what it does for me. I'm less focused on how skinny I am, or how much I fit into a cookie-cutter idea of beauty, and much more on being grateful for everything I do have.

Woman C: It's hard to explain because my body changed multiple times over the three years of surgeries. I can admit that I felt horribly ugly when my hair started to grow in. I also felt chubbier than I'd like to be and simply didn't recognize myself in the mirror. It was a very disconcerting experience. For my third chest surgery, I also had liposuction at the same time. My surgeon understood how unattractive I felt and was kind enough to reduce her fees so I could tackle my hereditary thighs! That wasn't the best decision in the short term, because the recovery from liposuction was a nightmare. About eight months after that last surgery, I lost weight... Slowly I started looking like myself again on the outside, but I always felt like I was an unattractive person undercover. I don't think I've ever completely gotten over that feeling.

What was your partner’s reaction to the mastectomy?

Woman A: Very supportive. He doesn't always understand my emotions, but that's not important because he knows how to deal with them even if they don't make sense... I asked for his opinions on many options, like silicone or saline, nipple reconstruction or not. He only ever told me to do what felt right for me.

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Woman B: He loved it. He loves my perky boobs, and he loves my fake boob. He's so into it sometimes it bothers me (I mean, I had amazing real boobs) but then I realize I'm being ridiculous.

Woman C: He wasn't there during the mastectomy period prior to my chemotherapy so he didn't see it firsthand. That said, he had no information about how bad my cancer was or if I was going to live. Over a year later, my closest friends admitted that he had contacted them without my knowledge because he was so upset that I shut him out. He just wanted me to survive and was on board with anything that enabled that outcome. He held back tears the first time I showed him my un-bandaged chest, but not because he thought it was ugly, but rather because he saw the remains of what I had endured. He felt guilty for not showing up when he should have.

What effect did the mastectomy have on your relationship?

Woman A: I feel horrible for my boyfriend. I would never expect him to say it, but sometimes I want him to just tell me he wishes I still had my old boobs — not because I'm OK with hearing that, but because I want to know he has fully accepted the fact my breasts are no longer sexual. I constantly feel guilty that he is a 24-year-old man and if he decides to stay with me forever, he will give up nipples. We argue sometimes because I can't understand what he's actually feeling, so I ask questions and bother him about it. He constantly tells me my breasts are not a issue, but that's really hard for me to accept simply because I am having the hardest time putting myself in his shoes... I need a lot of reassurance that I am still sexy. Unfortunately, a couple times a day, I say the wrong thing trying to find the reassurance and it causes fights. We've been through a lot together.

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Woman B: It was very positive for us. It was like a weight was literally lifted off our bodies. I used to hate it when my husband touched the diseased breast, and of course the pain sucked and made me feel incredibly unsexy.

Woman C: My partner is 20 years older than me, and he has always, always made sure to tell me that I'm stunning, and he doesn't notice or care about my missing breast. Having someone show me that much acceptance and tell me that I was beautiful no matter what (even when I was in my eighth month of chemo and looked like death warmed over!) was one of the greatest gifts he has ever given me. To this day, he tells me I'm beautiful when I feel my most unattractive. I cannot imagine what it would feel like to be with someone who had reservations about my body post-surgery. He always jokes that it just helps him focus on the breast that's left!

What effect did it have on your sex life?

Woman A: I have only had sex twice in the last three months since surgery. It's definitely the breasts that cause a lack of sex drive lately, but it's also not having hair and gaining all the weight, so it's hard to pinpoint what exactly is giving me anxiety about having sex. I can't imagine myself doing it. I can't imagine my boyfriend wanting to.

I have been a pretty sexual person all of my adult life. There's a disconnect between myself and sexuality. I'm hoping it doesn't take long to get over. Even when I imagine myself thinner and with my hair grown in from chemo, I still have a very hard time imagining that I will be enjoyable to have sex with.

Woman B: We did not take a break from sex. I think we may have even done it a little too early because I remember being in pain after the first time. I still had my chest expander in and we had to construct a little fort out of pillows to cradle my body. Sex has always been important to us — we had sex when I was on chemo, we have sex almost every day — it's how we connect to each other and how we relieve stress, and it's fun. My husband always thinks I'm sexy, and I realized when I was going through chemo that what really mattered was if I thought I was sexy. There were times during the chest expansion when I felt hideous, when I refused to take off my shirt. But my husband would just tell me how sexy my butt was and then compliment me until I felt sexy again, and then we would have sex. I have to say going into chemical menopause was much harder on our sex life than the surgery ever was.

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Woman C: The mastectomy was quickly followed by eight months of rapid cycling chemotherapy so sex wasn't really at the forefront of my mind. I honestly don't have a sense of how much or little we had sex, but I can say that I spent most of my waking hours violently ill and hardly able to stand. It's hard to feel sexy when your boyfriend has seen you throwing up and having diarrhea at the same time! Gross but true!

What else have you learned since your mastectomy?

Woman A: I have definitely learned that I know how to be upset about something but also be at peace with it at the same time. I have learned my body is resilient. My doctor was very surprised at my healing process and told me I was very lucky. The words I would have rather heard are, "You are very healthy." I just spent a year ruining my body. It would have been nice to hear that it was running great again.

Whenever I get sad about having ugly, scarred boobs, I just remember these ones will not sag. They will not hurt from pregnancy. They make clothes fit more nicely. Also, I never wanted to breastfeed, so that's not an issue for me. In fact, it was kind of a relief, because I feel like if you tell women these days that you're not breastfeeding, they judge you harshly. Well, now I have an excuse!

Woman B: I wish I had gotten more pillows [before having sex]. I had a sex wedge that some people recommended, but pillows were so essential for us as we navigated the healing from surgery.

I think I've learned that it can always be worse — so appreciate what you have now. I also think I learned that feeling sexy in my own head is so much more important than anything else.

And not needing to wear a bra is awesome.

Woman C: For me, once the chemo was over, I slowly found my way back to having a libido. I was so insanely grateful that my doctors had finally stopped poisoning me within an inch of my life that everything felt like a gift — including sex. The biggest takeaway from my mastectomy was that it's not a minor surgery. It's a violent amputation and the only thing that dwarfed the pain from the first surgery was the chemo that followed. I've often joked that the mastectomy felt like a massage compared to the chemo I went through afterward.

Follow Hayley on.

Long story here.

I started working at a grocery store a year ago.I was very shy and not very talkative.
This other bagger was very nice and started conversations with me.Of course I wouldn’t talk to him much because I was shy, but slowly I opened up.About 2-3 months later, he started asking questions such as “Do you have a boyfriend? What was he like? Why’d you break up? Would you go back to him?” I just answered, to be polite.

One day he told me another co-worker said that I was the perfect girl for him and that he should take me to dinner.It didn’t kick in there that he might be asking me out.I just told him our co-worker is being silly.

Slowly, things progressed, one day I was having a bad day, so I went outside during break and he was going home, He noticed I was sad, so he walked over, I tried to pull away, but he kept getting closer.And asked what was wrong.I wouldn’t talk, then he said “You can tell me when its just the two of us.I’ll be here.” Then he rubbed my cheek and told me I was beautiful.

A couple weeks later, we were in the break room, and he was playfully teasing me.I accidentally tripped and felt stupid, but he found it cute.He said “You need a boyfriend to catch you when you fall.” I responded with “When I find a boyfriend, I will let you know.” He gave me a puzzled look and then said “How about going out with me?” I said yes, we set up a day.He gave me his number, but didn’t want mine.He added me on facebook as well.

The day came to go, and I went there.After about 20 mins, I texted him.He told me his brother had a heart attack and asked if we could schedule, so not to be a bitch, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said sure.

The next day at work, he wanted to make sure I wasn’t upset.He kept asking if I was mad and apologize.I told him I understood.He brought up rescheduling a few times, but I never did.

After a while, his flirting and attempts stopped.And so I assumed he wasn’t interested.So I stayed away, and didn’t bother him, but when I did this, he assumed I was upset with him, and kept trying to get me to tell what was on my mind.

One of our co-workers got divorced, and I saw these two come from the yogurt shop.So I assumed he was interested in her, She was on my facebook friend list and so is he, and she was on his as well.Until recently, he started in again.

I was upstairs and he was waiting to clock in.I was sitting there.He starts looking at me and smiling.I glance his way, and he smiles, I look away and go back to texting.He looks back at me, and then finally I say “What’s your problem?” He laughs and says nothing.I start watching youtube videos and he starts making weird noises.I start laughing, and he does too.He said “Good, I’m getting you to laugh” I looked away.He’s like “That’s a good thing you know.” I responded with “Yeah, okay.” He then said “I dare you text me right now.” I was like “Ok” but kept watching youtube vidos.He said “Come on, text me.” I asked him what he wanted to text me.I said “What do you want to text me?” He told me to text anything.So I wrote hi.He responded, what’s up.And then he sat and watched me, I read it, but I kept watching youtube.He said “Come on, keep the texting going.” I was like “Why?” He said “I have a surprise text for you.” I said “We’re sitting across from each other, just say what you want to text.” He goes beat red and laughs.And keeps looking at me until I finally text.He asked me to lunch again, and gave me his days off.I told him I worked both days, and he yelled at the top of his lungs “Darn it” I said “say that again, I don’t think they heard you in africa.” He laughed.

The next day, same situation. Except I got the hiccups, and he started teasing me.I went to take a drink of soda and he was like “I don’t tink soda’s going to help.” I said probably not, but oh well.He laughed.And he started talking about how much was his favorite month and asked me to guess.I again got the hiccups and got up and got a drink of water from the fountain.He said “Your funny.” I was like “I’m not trying to -hiccup- be” and he smiled and laugh.So I guessed he liked march because it was his birthday.He said yep, guess my day.I said the day and it was a day off.He was like “that was a great guess, smart woman.” Then he asked me what he should do for his birthday, I told him I didn’t have any ideas.He said maybe go to hard rock.I said “That sounds good.” He then went to tell me about a place he flies to that he enjoys, that he thinks I might enjoy.I told him “Sounds fun, but I hate flying so I won’t be traveling there.” He then went on to ask why I hated flying.I told him how I have very bad panic attacks on planes.He said “What if your mom or friends were with you.” I said said “Nope, they hate flying as well.” He then looked over and said “What if you were with me? Would you feel better?” I paused and said “Maybe, I don’t know.I really hate flying.” He responded “You could hold on to my hand for as long as you wanted, I wouldn’t let anything happen.We’d go to Vegas and have a good time.” I kept insisting that I hate flying, he kept insisting he’d protect me and we’d have a good time.Then he asked if I liked hockey and had ever been to a game.I said yes and no I haven’t.He did a “hmm” Then it was time for me to clock in.

That night when I went on to facebook, our other co-worker had posted a disney quiz she shared.And I noticed facebook no longer said “1 Mutual Friend: so and so” so I checked my friend list and both were still there.I was puzzled as usually facebook states when we have mutual friends.Then I noticed he was no longer on her list.Either he removed her or she removed him.Made me think that he was just leading me on and their involved.Got a bit hurt, but I went on with my night.

Next day was my day off, so I went in and got a haircut in the salon next door to my store.Then I went into the store to buy a snack and kitten food.I was cashing out and he was bagging.He said “You got a haircut? It looks lovely.” I said “Thank you” and then he said.”It smells nice too.” This embarrassed me a bit, I admit.I turned away and said “Thank you.” the cashier turned to him and he said “Are you hitting on her?”
The guy in question laughed and said “I’m not.” The cashier responded. “I’m gonna tell your girfriend.” He went red and said “I don’t have a girlfriend.” So mieten single wohnung iserlohn I joined in, and I was like “Yeah, we should tell her, she’s not gonna be happy.” He was like “Really, I don’t have a girlfriend.” I was like ” We’re embarrasing him.” He responded. “Yes, yes you are.” I responded.”Good, you embarrased me multiple times.” He laughed. I grabbed my bag mieten single wohnung iserlohn and he said “See you later, sweety.” I said bye and left.

Yesterday at work, I wasn’t feeling well.I was waiting to clock in.He was walking by to go bag, and then he looked and saw me.He stopped and said “Hey,(used my name) But I didn’t respond.He asked if I was okay, I smiled, but didn’t say anything.He started walking over in my direction, but I pulled a way a bit.He said “Oh….I’m getting a drink” And I I noticed I was blocking the fountain.I responded. “Oops, sorry.” He asked again if I was feeling okay.I said “Yeah, sure.” He touched my shoulder and told me to let him know.

Then He was bagging next to me, he keeps looking at me all the time when we’re working together, I can see it out of the corner of my eye.But I don’t look because I don’t want him to catch me looking.He always fidgets with his clothes a lot.More than what I consider to be “needing to be fixed.” Anyways, he was talking to a customer.And the customer asked how he was doing.He said “I’m doing good.But I need a good woman in my life.” He said it loud enough for me to hear.And I took it as
“I’m not interested in you”

But I’m so confused because he has done a lot to make me think he was interested.
He always is trying to please my mother.And has told my sister that I’m a beautiful hard working girl.

What is everyone’s thought on this.

March 4, 2015, 2:02 am

“Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did? Does he ever think of me?”

Those questions have taken up more of my time and brain power than I ever think I’ll be comfortable enough to admit. If I would have taken a fraction of the time that I’ve spent pondering those questions to learn a new language, I could have written this post in 9 different languages by now. There would be a Post Male Syndrome in Chinese and one in Spanish and Farsi and Italian. You think I’m kidding, but I know you know I’m serious or you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

You’ve gone through a with an guy that broke your heart and whether you’ve done enough things to cause /embarrassment or it just hurts too much to be or you’ve both agreed to go your own separate ways or whatever the case may be – you’ve stopped communicating and are in no contact. The WORST, right?

You don’t want to hear from him, but then again, you do. You so do. It’s like a drug and you’re going through the most excruciating withdrawals. Every day that you don’t hear from him feels like an eternity and with every minute that passes, it’s another dig deeper into the , obsessing and FBI-style stalking. Your  diminishes and you start to because if you good enough, he would have reached out by now. He would have done something… ANYTHING.

All you hear is crickets.

You never thought he could just cut you off so easily and living his happy life on Instagram in the Valencia filter with and whose profile is private. and doing the best you can to get through every hour without losing it. You’re not that big of a Justin Bieber fan but all of a sudden, your life has become the living version of “?”

Every time you hear a text message alert or you hear your phone ring, your heart races and you think just for a millisecond… “Maybe it’s him?” All to be abruptly let down because the “restricted caller,” was actually your bank calling you to alert you that your checking account is overdrawn.

Following my relationship with, even when I was pretty much over the pain and had accepted the fact that I’d never talk to him again, I have to admit, I still always wondered:

“Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did? Does he think about me?”

I dated the MVP of the, f*cktard species and yes, he broke my heart and YES, I was totally to but I didn’t care. I needed to know.

Does he miss me? What do you think? How can he be with her while I’m miserable over here missing and cyberstalking him non stop? Does he regret what he did and all of the bs he put me through?” – I’d ask anyone that was willing to listen and that I thought was dumb enough inclined to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear because my heart couldn’t handle hearing what my gut already knew.

Fast forward to a lot of tears, heartbreaks and enough f*cktards to sink the Titanic later, I now have a much better understanding of it all.

So you want to know: “Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did? How can he be thinking about me and not reach out? Is he even thinking of me? WTF?!”

First we need to translate what “Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did?” means:

“Does the emotionally unavailable, f*cktard that was consistently unable to respect me and be faithful to me in our relationship, finally see that he was wrong in his lies and the way he treated me?”

“Does he miss me enough to want to change his ways?”:

You’re doing nothing more than. This is the reason that you Insta-stalk, Facebook-stalk and obsess because you’re looking for any kind of validation or reason to: A) Continue to be tied to the relationsh*t that was; remain invested in the hope that he’s the guy that he was for a hot second in the beginning instead of the f*cktard that he not only revealed himself to be but that he’s consistent at being. B) Find something in his profile that really hurts you and makes you to want to stop thinking about him (i.e. he has a new flame), but since your programs are set on “validation seeking mode,” instead of taking that information to motivate you to move on, you use it as an anchor to sink  further into depression, and that this is why you always end up f*cked over and alone.

Missing someone that you were close to and intimate with is totally normal, it means that you’re human and that you have blood pumping through your veins.

Obsessing to the level that you are about whether the trash will ever be good for you to have back and wondering if it’s attracting more trash and having a fun time at the dump that it’s been tossed off at is a BIG.RED.FLAG that you need to work on.

Get a pen and paper, sit down and ask yourself why it is that you miss him. More often than not, that ‘amazing ex’ that I thought was ‘the one’ and that I was sooo missing wasn’t what I was really missing at all.

I was missing the the, being, being a, the highs and lows, the makeups, the security of having a boyfriend, the dream, the “he’s the one! I’ve found my happily ever after,” the “he’s changing for me,” etc.

Most everything that I missed was my projections.

I was convinced that the amazing, loyal, respectful, emotionally available “prince” that he was in the beginning was going to come back out at any moment.

People don’t change, they show you who they are over time.

So getting back to the questions: “Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did?”

Yes, he thinks of you. ESPECIALLY if you cut him off. Yes, he does miss you and yes he does regret what he did. And I’m not just saying that and I’m not fooling you, I swear.

+ here’s the thing – with emotionally unavailable guys, they’ll THINK OF YOU when you cut them off, they’ll “MISS YOU,” in the sense that they miss what you provided (since they are all about themselves and or connect emotionally and it’s all about what they can get out of and gain from people, relationships and situations). They will REGRET that they don’t have you around as an option any longer. They will never regret the way you and I would hope for because true regret from a connected man will always include remorse. And that would require something called maturity, and being able to objectively examine their actions for what they are (so that evolution and actual growth can take place). 

Their disconnection will never allow that. This is the extent to which they can “miss” and “regret” and frankly, you, your future, your destiny, and your precious and short time on this planet deserve so.much.more than a passive and disconnected “missing.”

Here are just SOME of the reasons that he will, at some point “miss you:”

  • He misses the you that listened to all of his problems, made everything about him, helped him and supported him in every way no matter how poorly he treated you or how non-mutual the relationsh*t was.
  • He misses the you that was his biggest fan.
  • He misses the easy, minimal effort ability to attain your forgiveness.
  • He misses the you that believed he was God’s gift to mankind.
  • He misses the you that faked orgasms.
  • He misses the you that no matter how poorly he treated you or how many mind games he played or how often he went MIA, he could call up half drunk in the middle of the night and get laid.
  • He misses the you that always tried to understand him, please him and excuse his poor behavior and lack of respect for you and your relationship.
  • He misses the you that blamed yourself for his hurtful behavior.

Accepting any of those bullet points above as the kind of “missing” you deserve is like saying you want to get a tattoo just so you can experience what it feels like. The effects to both your ego, your and your skin will be permanent.

Yeah, I get that you’ve lost your mojo and your ego is shot, but if you keep seeking validation from someone that isn’t even able to give any to himself, you’re going to end up always and possessions to dictate your worth. This also sets you up for. You’ll then need others to validate your observations and decisions because you’ll be in a state of fear-based paralysis (inaction/stagnation) in your life and wonder why nothing ever works out for you.

If he REALLY misses you in the kind of way that you deserve to be missed, you will know and not have any doubt about it. If he’s going to miss you, he’ll ACT like it. He won’t send a text, email or passively “like” one of your photos so you can spend the next week analyzing the why’s. He will ACT upon it. It won’t matter if you’ve cut him off or if you’ve blocked him on everything. If he misses you the way that you need and deserve to be missed, he will find a way to get in touch.

Don’t get discouraged because it’s not happening. Imagine if you and I went to a pet store and I asked to hold a baby kitten. Then, when we sat down in the play area and held the cat, I started making a huge scene – yelling, screaming and being heartbroken and offended because I thought that the cat would bark and it keeps meowing.

Insane, right?

Your ex is a cat and guess what? Cat’s meow. Expecting him to miss you in the way that you deserve and to come back to the table a f*cktard no more is as ludicrous as expecting the cat to bark and thinking that it just doesn’t know any better because “it’s a kitten.” It’s.never.going.to.bark. Stop wasting your time.

Just like an “,” an “I miss you,” coming from an ex AT BEST, can be translated to one of the bullet points above, It will never mean “I’ve changed.” That takes accountability, connectedness, and action.

Getting over this and moving on is going to take you instilling something called and ceasing to tie your worth to the cat not barking.

“Does he miss me? Does he regret what he did?”

Yes….but no…but yes…but no…but who cares?!

Replace your sadness with anger and eventually that anger will be replaced with indifference. Remember: hate is not the opposite of love. When there’s hate, feelings are still embedded. Indifference is the opposite of love and indifference is the ultimate liberation.

Yes, I know that you can’t just shut your feelings off for someone like a light switch, but you can start to care about and  now. You can.

I remember during one of the worst,, my ex finally reached out to me after a few months. He sent a few angry, childish texts then after a few weeks of silence on my end, he said everything that I ever wanted to hear and more… In another text.

It was hard but I didn’t respond, ever.

And he never called to see if I was alive, nothing. That was my turning point, my “AHA!” moment where I realized that it wasn’t me he was after- he was after a RESPONSE from me because he felt out of control after I had cut him off.

It had more to do with his own ego and image than it ever had to do with any genuine love for or missing of me.

This is why I always say- If you want an emotionally unavailable guy to have one clue of what he put you through – cut.him.off. It’ll get him in the only place it will ever hurt (since ): his ego.

You are worth so much more than someone that just “misses” you from afar while sh*tting their emotional shorts.

Be with someone that’s committed and that will love you NOW. Not when he gets out of debt, not when he breaks it off with his gf, now. Be with someone that’s willing to, if need be, address their issues right away because the thought of not being with you and having to miss you for reals is not something that he ever, ever wants to feel or deal with. That’s what you deserve.

xx, Natasha

if you need further or more personalized help, please look into working with me.

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Zahra Doe Morbi gravida, sem non egestas ullamcorper, tellus ante laoreet nisl, id iaculis urna eros vel turpis curabitur.

3 Comments

Zahra Doejune 2, 2017
Morbi gravida, sem non egestas ullamcorper, tellus ante laoreet nisl, id iaculis urna eros vel turpis curabitur.
Zahra Doejune 2, 2017
Morbi gravida, sem non egestas ullamcorper, tellus ante laoreet nisl, id iaculis urna eros vel turpis curabitur.
Zahra Doejune 2, 2017
Morbi gravida, sem non egestas ullamcorper, tellus ante laoreet nisl, id iaculis urna eros vel turpis curabitur.

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